Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
my mouth tastes like poor choices
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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