Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
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That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
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I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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