Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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