I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
