Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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