Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
