i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
