i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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