I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
