that's an acceptable place to lick
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
