we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It's rum buckets o'clock
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
