Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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