You're my little dorito
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
