I must be too annoying 4 u.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
