I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
