then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
