so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
