i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
