I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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