am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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