She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
