They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
