I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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