did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Randomize
