I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
