Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
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I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
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I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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