Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
