I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
