M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
