I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
