Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
he fucked my hip out of place.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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