Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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