There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
