i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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