He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
