I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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