he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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