I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize