So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
