every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
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