he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize