During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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