our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
