and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
