I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
