oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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