at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
