only you would photoshop your dick
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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