Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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