I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
