Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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