During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
