The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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