GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
