whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
