I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
