I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
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