she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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