There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
