saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Randomize
