Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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