Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
