I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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