and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
