Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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