I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
