so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
