She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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