Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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