Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
