she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
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so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
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I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
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