so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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