We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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