I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I can text with my tongue
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
