I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
